This Doctor is My Hero

Smiling, he came in . . .
This doctor is my hero.
He helped save my life.

So, it was the "big day" today. My oncology visit two years since my last cancer treatment (but still just a regular three-month check up). I arrived at the Big C place with no thoughts about problems - or praise. And, there were no problems. But, it was a different feel in the air compared to other visits.

Michelle, the nurse, made a point to tell me how pleased Dr. A is with my progress because I was such a "challenge." At first I wasn't sure if I should take that personally or what! haha. I was a GREAT patient according to them - I didn't gripe, I pushed on to the next chemo treatment even though he told me I could take a break because I was so weak. So, that wasn't it.

Next thing, Dr. A walks in the room and runs through the normal check list of stuff. He made a remark about the two year mark, and then he said, "your cancer was so aggressive, and I am just very pleased with your progress."

Umm . . . come again? I never realized it was such a challenging and aggressive tumor. And, thank goodness. I knew I was stage IIB, but I guess I had no comprehension what that meant.I would have tortured myself over it. Dr. A never let me do that. He is so great. But, still it was a little disconcerting to hear about it after the fact even. I just thank God that I am still cancer free. And, I thank God for Dr. A, my hero, who was smiling like a proud parent or something over my health today.

They were all pretty jazzed over me today, and that was a good feeling.

Old Before My Time

Doctors are my life
Visiting every few months
Old before my time

Walking Together

Gentle, grey-faced dog
Red-suspendered gentleman
Walking together

Man's Sorrows Ignored

Rain falls like tear drops
Yet nature lacks sympathy
Man's sorrows ignored

Why Is It So Surprising?

We know we will die.
Why is it so surprising
When the time arrives?

I'm not dying . . . just thinking about some people in my life who are ill and facing the end of their lives. It may not be surprising to them, but it is to me. But, it shouldn't be. But, it is all the same.

Turtles Head to Nest

Twinkling stars shine down
Ocean winds sweep the sand dunes
Turtles head to nest

I'll Just Act Drunk

I said, "I love you."
Silence errupted quickly.
I'll just act drunk now.

Hurricane

Hurricane winds blow
Driving rains flood city streets
People hide at home

An Unopened Gift

An unopened gift
Discarded like so much trash
Unrequited love

Your Puppy Dog

Life's too short for this
I can't be your puppy dog
Chasing you around

Forever Haunted

Owner of my heart
Ghost who can't be exorcised
Forever haunted

Laughter Chokes a Scream

Pain hidden by smiles
Scarred heart behind a brave face
Laughter chokes a scream

Saturday Shopping

Saturday shopping
I must get lost in the mall
To find my needed peace

Florida Friday Night

Golden moonlight shines
Laughter carries from porches
The mosquitoes feast

My Heart in My Throat

My head in my hands
Old memories rattle me
My heart in my throat

Unbearable Hope

Unbearable hope . . .
That you would still care for me
In spite of the past

Yeah, I'm Really Boring

I'm watching T.V.
Yeah, I am really boring.
Being broke does that.

Good News & Bad News

Good news and bad news:
I got my new computer.
There's no power cord.

Alone with My Feelings

Sorrow held my hand
Disappointment embraced me
Alone with my feelings

just thinking about a depressing time in my life - someone I know is going through some similar stuff

Mask

Fear flickered quickly
She smiled and a mask appeared
"My cancer is back"

For any friends reading this, this isn't about me. This is about a woman I spoke with at my Relay For Life training today. She was so positive and upbeat when talking about beating cancer. But as she told me about a new mass they found, her face changed momentarily. It was subtle yet profound. The smile she wore dropped a bit then came back with full force.

I have smiled that smile before. You are wigging out, but you don't want to see the "you're doomed" face from the other person, so you pump up the volume in your own face - a mask goes up. It's self defense as well as an act of sparing the person you are telling the bad news to.

Wander Home to Secrets

Work day drains away
We wander home to secrets
Co-workers never know

Please Pass the Paxil

Nervous and anxious
Heart-pounding pulse, sweaty hands
Please pass the Paxil

Just thinking about people with panic disorders . . . I have had a panic attack before, and it wasn't fun. It felt like having a heart attack or something. I couldn't imagine an entire life revolving around constant anxiety.

Hear Now

Crank up the music . . .
I transcend the here and now
By what I hear now

Rhythmic, Falling Rain

Rhythmic, falling rain
A metronome keeping time
Measuring moments

Heartbreaking Words

Such heartbreaking words,
"My dad has six months to live."
Daddy's girl hurting.

My friend emailed me this week that her father's cancer is back, and it is very serious. The doctors say he has six - eight months. Please say a prayer for her. Nobody is ready to lose a parent at any age, but mid 20s is still pretty early to experience this type of news.

Church Sanctuary

Encouraging words
Smiling faces around me
Church sanctuary

Water Gun Fun

Hide behind beach balls
Secret agents' swimming pool
Our water gun fun

The Sound of Independence

Fireworks on the Fourth:
The sound of independence
Colors of freedom

Living on a Budget

Budget-living stinks:
I sit by the dressing room
While Sis tries on clothes

Glazed

Staring at spreadsheets
Monitor's glare bakes my eyes
Like donuts, they're glazed

Stupid Cat

Mee-ow, wake up girl!
I want you to feed me now!
Mee-ow, mee-ow-ow!