Thursday, July 31, 2008

This Doctor is My Hero

Smiling, he came in . . .
This doctor is my hero.
He helped save my life.

So, it was the "big day" today. My oncology visit two years since my last cancer treatment (but still just a regular three-month check up). I arrived at the Big C place with no thoughts about problems - or praise. And, there were no problems. But, it was a different feel in the air compared to other visits.

Michelle, the nurse, made a point to tell me how pleased Dr. A is with my progress because I was such a "challenge." At first I wasn't sure if I should take that personally or what! haha. I was a GREAT patient according to them - I didn't gripe, I pushed on to the next chemo treatment even though he told me I could take a break because I was so weak. So, that wasn't it.

Next thing, Dr. A walks in the room and runs through the normal check list of stuff. He made a remark about the two year mark, and then he said, "your cancer was so aggressive, and I am just very pleased with your progress."

Umm . . . come again? I never realized it was such a challenging and aggressive tumor. And, thank goodness. I knew I was stage IIB, but I guess I had no comprehension what that meant.I would have tortured myself over it. Dr. A never let me do that. He is so great. But, still it was a little disconcerting to hear about it after the fact even. I just thank God that I am still cancer free. And, I thank God for Dr. A, my hero, who was smiling like a proud parent or something over my health today.

They were all pretty jazzed over me today, and that was a good feeling.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Old Before My Time

Doctors are my life
Visiting every few months
Old before my time

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Walking Together

Gentle, grey-faced dog
Red-suspendered gentleman
Walking together

Monday, July 28, 2008

Man's Sorrows Ignored

Rain falls like tear drops
Yet nature lacks sympathy
Man's sorrows ignored

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Why Is It So Surprising?

We know we will die.
Why is it so surprising
When the time arrives?

I'm not dying . . . just thinking about some people in my life who are ill and facing the end of their lives. It may not be surprising to them, but it is to me. But, it shouldn't be. But, it is all the same.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Turtles Head to Nest

Twinkling stars shine down
Ocean winds sweep the sand dunes
Turtles head to nest

Friday, July 25, 2008

I'll Just Act Drunk

I said, "I love you."
Silence errupted quickly.
I'll just act drunk now.

Thursday, July 24, 2008


Hurricane winds blow
Driving rains flood city streets
People hide at home

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

An Unopened Gift

An unopened gift
Discarded like so much trash
Unrequited love

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Your Puppy Dog

Life's too short for this
I can't be your puppy dog
Chasing you around

Monday, July 21, 2008

Forever Haunted

Owner of my heart
Ghost who can't be exorcised
Forever haunted

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Laughter Chokes a Scream

Pain hidden by smiles
Scarred heart behind a brave face
Laughter chokes a scream

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Saturday Shopping

Saturday shopping
I must get lost in the mall
To find my needed peace

Friday, July 18, 2008

Florida Friday Night

Golden moonlight shines
Laughter carries from porches
The mosquitoes feast

Thursday, July 17, 2008

My Heart in My Throat

My head in my hands
Old memories rattle me
My heart in my throat

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Unbearable Hope

Unbearable hope . . .
That you would still care for me
In spite of the past

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Yeah, I'm Really Boring

I'm watching T.V.
Yeah, I am really boring.
Being broke does that.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Good News & Bad News

Good news and bad news:
I got my new computer.
There's no power cord.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Alone with My Feelings

Sorrow held my hand
Disappointment embraced me
Alone with my feelings

just thinking about a depressing time in my life - someone I know is going through some similar stuff

Saturday, July 12, 2008


Fear flickered quickly
She smiled and a mask appeared
"My cancer is back"

For any friends reading this, this isn't about me. This is about a woman I spoke with at my Relay For Life training today. She was so positive and upbeat when talking about beating cancer. But as she told me about a new mass they found, her face changed momentarily. It was subtle yet profound. The smile she wore dropped a bit then came back with full force.

I have smiled that smile before. You are wigging out, but you don't want to see the "you're doomed" face from the other person, so you pump up the volume in your own face - a mask goes up. It's self defense as well as an act of sparing the person you are telling the bad news to.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Wander Home to Secrets

Work day drains away
We wander home to secrets
Co-workers never know

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Please Pass the Paxil

Nervous and anxious
Heart-pounding pulse, sweaty hands
Please pass the Paxil

Just thinking about people with panic disorders . . . I have had a panic attack before, and it wasn't fun. It felt like having a heart attack or something. I couldn't imagine an entire life revolving around constant anxiety.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Hear Now

Crank up the music . . .
I transcend the here and now
By what I hear now

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Rhythmic, Falling Rain

Rhythmic, falling rain
A metronome keeping time
Measuring moments

Monday, July 7, 2008

Heartbreaking Words

Such heartbreaking words,
"My dad has six months to live."
Daddy's girl hurting.

My friend emailed me this week that her father's cancer is back, and it is very serious. The doctors say he has six - eight months. Please say a prayer for her. Nobody is ready to lose a parent at any age, but mid 20s is still pretty early to experience this type of news.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Church Sanctuary

Encouraging words
Smiling faces around me
Church sanctuary

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Water Gun Fun

Hide behind beach balls
Secret agents' swimming pool
Our water gun fun

Friday, July 4, 2008

The Sound of Independence

Fireworks on the Fourth:
The sound of independence
Colors of freedom

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Living on a Budget

Budget-living stinks:
I sit by the dressing room
While Sis tries on clothes

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Staring at spreadsheets
Monitor's glare bakes my eyes
Like donuts, they're glazed

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Stupid Cat

Mee-ow, wake up girl!
I want you to feed me now!
Mee-ow, mee-ow-ow!

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